A confession: this last week took a lot out of me. It was the final week of classes for the Spring semester of an academic year that has been one of the hardest and most demanding I’ve ever had. I also found myself kind of drained after writing last week’s newsletter - it’s one of my favorite things I’ve sent out so far, but I put a lot more of myself and my history into it than I intended even given the conceit, and in a way I haven’t done publicly for a while. If you haven’t, I’d love it if you went back and read that - it’s equal parts funny, profound, and embarrassing. But I wrote it, so maybe you can’t trust me on any of those scores.
That’s why this week’s post is late, and why it’s going to be so short. I got all the way to last night and realized I didn’t have anything, but I was so tired that all I could do was stare at the ceiling thinking of the fact I didn’t know where to begin until I fell asleep. But I’m also aware of the fact that my last few posts have been fairly lengthy, and so maybe this will be a break for you all as well.
Last week I made oblique reference to the fact that I used to pretend that I was a songwriter. I kept a notebook full of lyrics for a while. Most of them will never - should never - see the light of day. But I’m going to share one of them with you this week. As a treat for being faithful readers, and because I made a promise to myself that I would publish something every week no matter what. I also promised myself that I wouldn’t be overly precious about or overthink what I was doing here.
This was originally written as a humorous lark. I once bought a novelty tin sign of a vintage Mr. Peanut ad on a high school trip to Savannah because I thought it was funny but also vaguely creepy. To a bus full of teenagers, that instantly made me The Mr. Peanut Guy for a while. In the years since I regretfully feel as if it’s taken on increased relevance - particularly when I think about the degree to which we have not only invited corporate branding into our lives but also seem to actively integrate it every chance we get.
I give you, A Love Song to Mr. Peanut.
Verse:
I used to cry at night
’Cause I was so alone
No one to cuddle with
And none to call my own
But now I think that everything’s about to change
And I don’t think that I’ll ever be the same
People say they’re scared of me
I think they’re just afraid
Of all the rich and salty harmony
That me and him have made
And when they bug me ‘til I think that I could cry
I just gaze in that sweet monocled eye
Chorus:
And my friends they don’t believe me
They all think I’m just delirious
I’m in love with Mr. Peanut
And I think it’s getting serious
But no one seems to understand
They think that I’m insane
So I just tell them that I’ve found someone
And they should do the same
And I just can’t help it
I’ve all but melted
Verse:
I lie awake at night
Just thinking ‘bout his cane
And all the lustful thoughts that crowd my mind
I think I’ll go insane
But when I fear that things are moving way to fast
He calms me with that fine old peanut ass
Chorus:
And my friends they don’t believe me
They all think I’m just delirious
I’m in love with Mr. Peanut
And it’s getting pretty serious
But no one seems to understand
They think that I’m insane
So I just tell them that I’ve found someone
And they should do the same
And I just can’t help it
I’ve all but melted
Bridge:
Don’t try to judge me
I’m above it
I can’t get enough
I love it
Every time he kisses me
I feel I’m all that I can be
That big top hat
That crooked smile
It’s all enough to drive me wild
And if you think that’s sick, well, funny -
You should see him baked in honey
Chorus:
And my friends they don’t believe me
They all think I’m just delirious
But I’m fucking Mr. Peanut
Don’t you think that’s pretty serious?
And no one seems to understand
They think that I’m insane
So I just tell them that I’ve found someone
And they should do the same
And I just can’t help it
I’ve all but melted
No I just can’t help it
I’ve all but melted
-cs